I have no choice but to know the power of my own "Free Will"

     I just had a mind blowing experience. One for my own history book. I don't know exactly how to describe the feelings accompanying it, but mostly it's comfort and inspiration. I know God has a plan for me, but I need to choose it. That has never hit home harder than it has this week. I know this post may be a lot to read but I'm mostly writing it for me. So you don't have to read all of it if you don't want to. I just know that I need to record the thoughts and experiences of this week somewhere, and seeing as I'm better at typing then I am at writing I decided to do it here.

     It all started with a little chat from an unexpected person. I was sitting at home, kinda depressed about life. Nothing seemed to be going the way I wanted. I had missed some opportunities I was excited for, I felt I had almost shut the door on other opportunities but don't know how. I was just not in the best of moods. For some reason this friend decided to come over, and just hang out. He may have been the last person I'd expect to come. Well we get talking about life. The usual subjects, school, girls, and work. Mostly girls. He gave me some advice that has since changed the course of my life. He told me to set some goals of things I could accomplish, but would take a lot of effort and will power to do. So I did. I decided this year I'm going to run a marathon.

     Since then, everything has changed. As I've been training for my marathon, I've seen certain things change in my life. I've been more confident, had more energy, and am able to focus more on my studies now then ever before. I've even felt more spiritual then I have in a long time. Now the best part is that it all started with a decision I made. The plan to, no matter what pain, anguish or exhaustion, complete the 26.2 miles.

     Now the scary part. So about a week after I made my choice and started training, I found myself studying the very thing that has changed the course of my life. Free will. My ethics and values class had me listening for almost an hour to two psychologists debate about the reality of free will. Whether it exists and therefore we have the ability to change the course of our lives in a matter of seconds, or it does not and our lives have already been predetermined, therefore making free will the simple result of cause and effect with the electric impulses in our brains. Well, I'm not one to be able to focus on two people talking for an hour then read pages and pages of what they had talked about without giving my thoughts a little break. So that was my plan as I was studying the hall of flags on campus. Well my break was a book. "Mere Christianity". As you may have read in my previous blog this book didn't give me the break I was looking for. Instead, I was lured into the idea of a common sense of right and wrong and the power our decision can make. So basically the opposite of the lecture I was listening to earlier. This of course had me stop and think about what I really believe about free will. Well, at that point my spirituality and possibly my own arrogance took over. I saw that a world without free will is a world without hope. Without peace or excitement, without adventure and curiosity. None of the greatest feelings would exist if we could not will our own decisions. With this thought I closed my book and computer and went to study something a little easier to learn. Biology.

     My experience couldn't end there though. Seeing that I had some free time on my hands tonight I decided to watch a movie before going to bed. I chose a movie I didn't know anything about, but I've seen it on my roommates shelf for a while and was curious to see it. The movie was "The Adjustment Bureau". If anyone knows anything about this movie it's about the power of free will. After the end of the movie and thinking all about what has happened to me recently I can't help but think I've learned one of the biggest lessons of my life. All the time we worry about doing the right thing. Fearing that a wrong choice could yield some horrible consequences. Well I've been reminded now that the best part of life are those opportunities. The chance to choose to take a chance. We have an enormous potential in us to be incredible people. It all comes down to our choices. From big choices like deciding what school to go to or who to marry. To the little choices of choosing to keep the feet moving for another .2 miles even though the rest of our body may be screaming to stop. These choices form who we are and what we can become. I've come to the ultimate conclusion that no matter what certain experiments say, with our agency we cause all the effects in the world.

Free will

Look at you. You're reading my blog. What made you decide to read my blog? Is it that you and I are somewhat acquainted or related so you feel an obligation or a duty to read my post and determine for yourself what you now think of me? Maybe you find the blog more interesting than listening to your biology professor lecture on the structure of atoms and isomers in a 25 L beaker of water. These could be some of the many possibilities as to why you are now reading this. Now let me entertain another thought for you. Studies have shown that before you clicked to read, or even consciously recognized the choice before you, you chose. Your brain is constantly working and in use. You subconsciously make the decision of what to do before you even know you have the decision. Some of the worlds most renowned scientists argue the fact that we have no real "free will" but that your choices and decision are merely an effect to a cause. A result of the electric activity going on in your brain stimulated by previous events. Thus our lives, no matter what we do, are predetermined.
      Well at least that's what my ethics class wants me to believe. I had a kind of interesting experience today as I sat studying at school. I would read and study my ethics class homework, then take a break and read from a book I'm interested in. The interesting part was that at one point I was reading how scientists want to prove that we have no free will, then for leisure I would read from C.S. Lewis' book "Mere Christianity" stating that all human being are obligated to obey all laws except the law of nature which we choose to disobey. It was almost my two interests and passions fighting each other. On one side, science and health, and on the other spirituality.
      Well, as of now the spirituality took over. Lewis talked of the idea that everyone in the world believes in a right or wrong. If they say they don't, simply break a promise and they will say you are in the wrong for doing so, assuming that there was a standard to be kept. An unspoken law agreed to by both parties that the promise would be kept. This is why we have free will. Naturally we see every being understanding and comprehending this unspoken law. Whether or not they follow it is up to them. Lewis also points out that although we may know of this law we don't always obey it. In fact we disobey it almost every day. We make excuses to not do something because of our extenuating circumstances. We didn't call our friend because we were simply too busy. Broke the rule. How you never would have promised to so-and-so to do that one thing if you would have known how busy you would be at the time. Either way we have all made those excuses and we made a choice to do so, it wasn't simply an electronic impulse to the brain but something deeper.
     Although free will is true, I don't believe it to be free. There was price paid by a perfect man. A man who never made those excuses, a man who on on his way to see a friend who he had promised to see helped others on the way, and when learning about the death of his friend, broke the law of physics to bring him from the dead and fulfill his promise. Choice came with a price, and consequences have been paid for, if we so choose.
     Needless to say I had an exciting study and read today, because I chose to.

What are your thoughts?

The Dilemma

As the time of pens, pencils, and horrible biology teachers comes to an end I find myself in a small dilemma. With the holiday’s sneaking around the corner, and hot chocolate beginning to fill my soul, I ask myself one question. How am I going to go skiing this season?!

It's one of great importance. I haven't flown the powder, or cut through the heavenly substance called snow for some time now. The dilemma is that I can't afford a pass at this time nor do I have the equipment. So I'm left to explore other possibilities to bring my dream to a reality. These include but are not limited to the following.




1) Sell my soul to the devil.

2) Give plasma every day I can, then I may have enough to ski the last day of the season.

3) Sell all my belongings, quit school and get three more jobs. One including scooping up poop behind elephants during the parades. Where I'm going to find a parade in the winter is another dilemma.

4) Invent a bestselling app. possibly including animals skiing, flying or crashing into other animals to solve a puzzle of sorts.

5) Lastly, in a desperate attempt to enjoy the season, I could simply rob a financial institution, blame it on someone’s identity I stole and spend the rest of my life avoiding authorities.

If you have any other ideas, please let me know. Also if you know any deals on skiing I'm game.

Let it snow!

Who Knows How Words Are Formed.

Well, I'm full of turkey goodness, and there's a nice breeze coming in the window. But, before I start thinking of sugar plums and mangers, I want to reflect a little more on the great things that have happened in the last few days of which I'm grateful.

1) I'm grateful for cold weather. Without the cold, sitting cozy with a blanket and a cup of Stephen's Gourmet French Vanilla wouldn't mean nearly as much! All of my winter jackets and sweaters would be obsolete. And, seeing the world pure and white right after a good snowfall would be nonexistent.

2) I'm thankful for jobs that aren't the best. Sure I may get yelled and cussed at a lot while I talk on the phones. I may sound like a drone answering the phone with the same phrase day after day, but at least I'm not scooping up poo. Also, I look forward even more to the time where I can be sitting in my own practice giving sight to the blind.

3) I'm grateful for tools, jerks, and punks. Hey, someone has got to make the good guys look good. We may not get noticed as much, but I feel we're just gaining more and more brownie points to get the best of the best.

 So, this thanksgiving I find myself really finding the best in everything. I don't mean to complain, I just want people to know it's not the end. Have fun. You only live once, so live high and righteously. Life would be so boring if we had all we wanted. Really, who knows what's in store for us. I'm so glad I can't learn it all at once, because then I get to keep learning. If you keep looking down, then you miss all the stars above. Stop being grumpy and just enjoy what you have!

After all, there's only 28 more sleeps till Christmas!!

Old Friends

This last weekend I was reacquainted with a new friend. One I had missed for quite some time. Almost two years to be exact. A real top notch pal. The kind who always makes you feel good no matter what your mood. After a grueling weekend of studies and more studying of the complicated eukaryotic and prokaryotic world, my friend really made my weekend and helped me see that there is more to life than simply studying. Who could have guessed that I would be reunited with him so soon? I didn't even expect it when I called on him late Friday night. Yet I found myself at 11:00 pm going to the Creamery on 9th to meet up again. I only know a few people that don't get a long with him, and that's not really their fault for having a medical condition. Everyone else though can't resist the dark complexion, smooth personality and of course the delicious taste. Oh Creamery Chocolate Milk, how I've missed you!

Summer is here!

Tonight I found myself watching the Taylorsville dayz firework show from my roof. It's one of the best parts of living where we are, we can watch all the neighboring city do their fireworks, from our own roof.
Well the warm summer night and the flashing lights got me thinking of some past 4th of July experiences. Here are a few to note.
Childhood-
I remember always watching Dad set off the pack of fireworks he bought from Macey's. Of course I always wanted to light it and then when I did I found it it's still just as exciting if you don't have to light it. I also remember my sister would be watching it from her room cause she didn't like the loud noises, we kept telling her she was the loud noise.
Of course there were always the home-made ones. Competing against the neighborhood kids as to who could have the loudest M80. Plus we can't forget the giant one, MOAHB what a beauty.
You can't forget the family trip back east. I don't remember the fireworks as much as I remember trying to get back to the car. The minute the last fire work finished burning, the heavens opened and unleashes one of the most powerful rainstorms I've ever experienced. That's why I remember trying to get back to the car before we all got hypothermia.
High School-
Some of the best dates I've been on include watching the Murray Fireworks cuddled up next to a girlfriend. Of course it got a little scary when a nearby tree caught on fire.
Mission-
My first 4th of July was spent in the MTC. We had the "great opportunity" to watch the presidency put on a play about the founding fathers getting their temple work done. The acting was average, so the story saved the show. Afterwards some 3000+ missionaries stood outside the MTC trying to catch a glimpse of the nearby fireworks. My group mainly just played ninjas.
For the one in the field it was about the same as the MTC. Our apartment was too short to really see any fireworks, all we saw was a colorful glow in the sky. We did have fun with some glow sticks in the apartment.
Future-
Who knows what the rest of my 4th's will be like. I hope one time I get to play a night game where the whole baseball diamond is lit up by fireworks. Just a little bucket wish addition.
I'm excited also to see what this year and next bring. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
All and all I realized today that summer has come. Fireworks, yard work, and hamburgers and hot dogs. All accompanied with Giants baseball. What a great time of year!
What do you remember?

Home

Well, it's done. I can't believe it but I have finished the best 2 years. It was incredible. I see that my parents posted some of my letters here, well they only describe half if that, of what I experienced. If you want the whole story your going to have to ask me. I'd love to tell you!

My parents decided to shock me back into te world by taking me on a week long cruise to Mexico! Personally I think they were just using me for my spanish. Well I had a blast! And well, the stage couldn't keep me away for too long cause on the last night on the boat I was in costume, singing and dancing as... James Brown! A small white kid playing a black guy. There's a first for everything.

As far as now, it's getting on with normal grown up life. I got a job a week after I got back. I do customer service for Propay. Some calls I even take in spanish! I'll be starting school in August. Hopefully starting the journey to become an Optometrist (eye doctor). So in the meant time. I'm looking for a car! I never thought finding a car would be this tough! I'm a little nervous cause the loan is in my name. Which means I actually have to become a responsible adult! Bleh!

Well that's it for now. Pictures coming soon!